Work Stress and Relationships

Work/Job stress is the harmful physical and emotional responses that occur when work requirements, tasks or even general work environment do not match the capabilities, resources, or needs of the worker.

A fourth of employees view their jobs as the number one stressor in their lives. -Northwestern National Life

Three-fourths of employees believe the worker has more on-the-job stress than a generation ago. -Princeton Survey Research Associates

Problems at work are more strongly associated with health complaints than any other life stressor- more so than financial or family problems. -St. Paul Fire and Marine Insurance Co.

Avenues of addressing stress among men may be inexistent and as such most relations suffer the brunt of it when its repercussions are brought home.

Understanding where one stands in their day-to-day stress level is key to remedying the situation and bringing back your life to a healthy equilibrium as much as stress is concerned.

Evaluate your stress levels here –

Dr Chitayi: If your boss keeps calling you after 6 pm and maybe that’s the time you should be home, at 9 pm you are still receiving phone calls and text messages that you must answer to. One way you can address that is to say I have a policy of not communicating Beyond 6 PM. Very polite

[Applause] [Music]

Rama:  In our first session it was a gold mine of information as well as awareness that touched upon issues on everyday stress. If you missed it click on the link below to follow us today.

I warmly welcome you to episode 2 of Take Charge talk series 2. We will be talking about workplace stress and relationships.

Deadlines, peer pressure, performance, expectations, monotony at work, fear of failure, understanding colleagues and bosses, as well as relationships that concern both your work and personal space are something we all experience in our workspaces as well as at home with relationships.

I have my panel here which comprises Dr Chitayi, a consultant psychiatrist, Flora the brand manager and Bwire of course.

Without much ado, I want to begin by asking Bwire this question we all have,

Workplace stress: men manage stress or bring it home or keep it to themselves

Bwire: I think work stress (stress in the workplace), is very common because you have expectations you need to meet. You have deadlines, you must deliver basically, and stress comes with that. You also have other relationships maybe at home that you need to manage, and all this can bring a lot of stress coupled with maybe Financial pressures.

Men really do face a lot of stress and at work also, it’s not just the tasks you’re doing. At work is where you spend most of your day. There are relationships at work maybe with your bosses with your colleagues so there are a lot of interactions in those relationships that you need to learn how to manage so that you perform at your best.

Rama: Doctor, what do you have to say on men managing stress, bringing it home or keeping it to themselves?

Dr Chitayi: Stress is painful to the person it brings about discomfort to the individual so if as a person I’m not able to manage the stress I may want an outlet.

if I’m overwhelmed first of all I will try to manage on my own if I’m unable then try to pass it on to maybe what I think is a less harmful destination or object.

In psychology, we call it an object and the phenomenon (passing stress onto a less harmful object) is called displacement.

So, any bad day at work where you got stressed -and these are day-to-day issues- most of the time people go back home and they’re either angry. They’ll shout at someone at home for no good reason. Those are manifestations of stress that most probably have come from work.

Rama: So, is it a good thing to bring work stress home?

Dr Chitayi: It’s a bad thing because it shows that you’ve been unable to manage it. So if you feel that you have a pattern of experiencing difficulties at work but when you come home it’s affecting how you relate to your family it’s better to find a safer way of managing it

Rama: and not keeping it to yourself.

Dr Chitayi: Keeping it yourself again will harm you. This is because keeping it to yourself means that then it may affect your functioning as well as your physical body, it may predispose you to disease, and it may predispose you to psychiatric illnesses like depression. So again, keeping it yourself is not the best option.

Rama: Flora how would you deal with work stress?

Flora: As women, we tend to deal with stress much better because we tend to vent out. For instance, at the first encounter with work stress, I will probably run to the toilet and cry. I’ll probably talk to the next person that I meet in the corridor and in worst-case scenarios, you just need a few quiet minutes and you snap back to normal. By the time I’m taking it home, it’s probably extreme and it requires probably someone else to listen out. So mostly I would say we tend to deal with stress much better.

Rama: Yes, we find outlets and they do not find Outlets. Is that a better way to put it?

Dr Chitayi: You can just say that there are few Outlets designed within the Society for men.

Bwire: Wor stress is kind of unavoidable because you still must go there every day. You must wake up and go face the same issues. If it’s workload if it’s there today, tomorrow you’ll still find the same workload so how would I manage without reducing your performance? How will you manage that stress? Because you don’t have time maybe to take a break, you still must do your work, you don’t have time to go maybe see a psychologist you still have to do your work. How would you manage that? You still must do your work and manage the stress at the same time.

Dr Chitayi: Of course, you want to think about another activity that you can be able to do that helps you to relax so that you disengage from stress and engage in work. So, the generic example is an exercise in this case.

Rama: We will come to that soon, but physical and mental effects of unhealthy workplace or relationship stress. We all find it very difficult to accept the fact that this is workplace stress. I could come home and vent it out on my child, my spouse, or somebody who is associated with me but we cannot pinpoint the starting point. Are the physical and mental effects of stress? You could probably shed some light on that.

 See how stress and anxiety can affect your immunity

Dr Chitayi: The physical effects could be that you start experiencing issues like high blood pressure and if you already have high blood pressure you find that it’s now not responding to the medication. The same applies to problems like diabetes. You find either is not now being controlled or develop things in that direction.

From a psychological point of view, there are many. You could be irritable, snap at the slightest provocation unable to sleep, could have muscular aches, could have anxiety issues even if you have ever had anxiety before you could find yourself even experiencing panic attacks.

Physical you can also have headaches that are not going away that are associated with work. All these are just a few of the physical and psychological effects of stress.

Rama: Also, even loss of concentration or focus. You find that you are not able to give it to your 100 or you don’t have time enough to complete a job.

Dr Chitayi: Absolutely, it’s one of the mental implications. You can’t concentrate even in meetings. You can’t concentrate and then you forget to do your assignments. Loss of Memory and forgetfulness.

Rama: I want to go one step further and address a very important issue here.

Stress relating to Fear of failure in work and relationships, how real is this for men compared to women?

I would probably want to First understand his (Bwire) view and then give it to you (Dr Chitayi).

Bwire:  As men, we have a lot of social expectations. You are expected to be successful; you are expected to live a certain lifestyle and you fear failing.

Maybe you’ve seen an uncle fail or you’ve seen your parent fail. There’s that fear you’ll constantly have that “I don’t want to end up the same”. So, you push yourself at work. You push yourself in business.

So, the fear of failure is part of being a man that’s what drives us to want to achieve more, to provide better for our family. There’s that fear of thoughts as well, always thinking “how will I end up?” You’re always looking to the future and thinking “where will I end up”, “I want to live in a certain estate”, or “I want to drive a certain car”. That comes with stress because to achieve those things you must be performing at work your business has to be doing well.

It gives you a lot of pressure and that also comes with fear. Pressure comes with fear.

Rama:  I also like the fact that he may mention that it’s a sort of a driver also. So, it has a little bit of a tinge of positivity in it but what is your view doctor?

Dr Chitayi: Obviously. Going back to history there were roles that men were expected to play -and it’s a good thing- and women were expected to play different roles. Even in societies, you find a long time ago, men were hunters maybe and women did a bit of gathering or staying at home.

Traditionally or historically these roles were assigned as a form of division of labour. That the man will look for food and protect the family and the society at large from external insults. These things are part of who we are. There’s a lot of progress lately but a long time ago women were just expected to reproduce. That was a very serious role, the most important role in society.

Now with the changes that are happening, we still -of course when we are growing up I don’t know what girls are told but boys- are told that “take your study seriously so that you can provide for your family in future”.

Rama: It has been ingrained; the fear of failure comes alongside growing up.

Dr Chitayi: I don’t know what girls are told when growing up but probably it could be something along the line of you becoming a good wife.

Flora: Not anymore to us just being a good wife. I think there’s a lot of women empowerment nowadays but of course, the pressure is a little more on men than it is for women. We can be forgiven for failing to some extent as compared to how it will be perceived if a man fails.

Dr Chitayi: The sociologists who have investigated men and women have come up with one observation that if I was to have Bwire -if I can use an example – given the privilege of staying at home and your wife provides everything, as it goes you will be unhappy.

Bwire: I will not. like I will not accept.

Rama: Energetically, men are built for going out there and working hard so I think when you’re built for that purpose I don’t think you will enjoy that role of playing the house husband or whatever we call them these days. I would love to see a house husband.

Bwire: I don’t think it’s very common I think in the African culture because if you become a house husband and your wife is going on out providing, the society won’t look at you very positively. They’ll call you a bum, you are lazy, you’re not achieving it, your woman is looking after you, and you feel disrespected and maybe undermined.

Rama: Im so interested in the fact that women would rather be in the workplace and nurture but the men cannot be in the space where women are.

Bwire: Society will not accept for you to be.

Dr Chitayi: Yeah true and probably definitely. In a society like ours which is modernizing very fast or westernizing very fast, there are but obviously, they may not be in the open. When they are asked by family members they could lie.

Flora: And no woman would be proud to be associated with such kind of arrangement.

Rama: Coming to another topic. Toxic relationships, we all have them. The nagging ones, we get angered and flustered and frustrated with having to deal with them on an everyday basis. Whether it is at the workplace or whether it is in a personal space that we live in.

Work Stress relating to Toxic relationships and how do you deal with them?

Bwire: Toxic relationships, I think in my opinion, come up because we all have different personalities and you spend a lot of time at work so that interaction cannot be avoided. Let’s say you have a disagreement with an accountant, you still have to go back to them, you have to, you can’t avoid them because it’s the workplace and that’s their responsibility you still have to go deal with them so how do you deal with that person and still keep it professional and not let the underlying issues bubble up?

Rama: Doctor what do you think of the physiological factors of what toxic relationships can do to the human being as a whole?

Dr Chitayi: Toxic relationships have some element of abuse in them or some element of exploitation. Crossing boundaries for example is one of the common things in such a relationship. First, it’s important for people to identify that now this is a toxic relationship because this boundary is being crossed or being exploited in this way.

A lot of times in common language on the streets people use the word narcissism to describe it. It’s thrown very loosely actually these days. Sometimes when something is everywhere it’s nowhere. We can end up thinking it’s normal but it’s very important to be able to identify this type of relationship because again it just goes back to being a contributor to chronic stress in the individual. So, the way someone will respond to a situation of toxic relationships will be a chronic stress response. Obviously, we know the impact this can have on our hearts, our blood pressure, our control of sugar and the psychological effects that can lead to depression and even anxiety and things like that.

Rama: I’m beginning to think that compromising in a relationship can be one of the ways in which you’re actually also building stress without you realizing it. You can call it a compromise, but you are having to shut down or you’re having to not bring it up or discuss or healthily deal with it.

Dr Chitayi: It’s like Bwire said before that you are in this work and the difference you are having is with the finance boss who can play around with your salary.

I don’t want to push too much.

Or the boss and so on.

Rama: It’s very stressful to the mind. Having to be engaged in that manner and say I have to speak like this, or I have to not do this and I have to say the right words.

Dr Chitayi: It’s a whole thing that people have to learn the polite way of saying it so that you don’t offend but you also stand up for yourself. There are ways in which people can give out their point of view in a very polite way. There are certain terminologies that you can use for example:

“If your boss keeps calling you after 6 pm and maybe at that time you should be home, say at 9 pm we are still receiving phone calls and text messages that you must answer to, one way you can address that is to say ‘I have a policy of not communicating Beyond 6 PM’. Very polite!”

That’s just one of the ways, another way is to advocate for each other. It’s easier to stand up for someone sometimes than yourself so people should learn.

Rama: Valuable advice is that you should have good friends and Company around you even in the workplace. I think it can be healthily dealt with. For things like toxic relationships, if you have someone supportive, I think that adds so much more value to your every day going back there and having to face the same situation.

Dr Chitayi: Also simply giving options to them.

Bwire: If you have an issue maybe with one particular person another person maybe has someone who’s close to them at the office maybe you can approach that person and say “I’m having this issue what would you advise”, maybe they can give you tips such as “they don’t like this”, “they like this”.

Rama: I think that could we deal with the work stress in whatever manner but especially toxic relationships as you rightly said I think it can go to a chronic stress level and we don’t want that to happen.

My next question now tumbles down to Bwire as well.

How do you handle work stress, deadlines, and procrastination?

And also, how do these affect performance and results especially in more stressful situations?

The situation is already stressful but then it’s a cycle that carries on.

Bwire: I think at work we face a lot of pressure to meet deadlines and expectations because deadlines will always be there and a certain quality of work is also expected. Deliverables are set and that comes with a lot of pressure. I think when you’re maybe when you are first starting out, as a young employee, it becomes a big issue because you don’t know how to manage but I think as your career goes on you get more experience and you learn how to deal with it.

I think one of the ways is opening up to your supervisor and being candid. You say this is manageable and this is not manageable so you discuss the deliverables instead of just accepting what you’re told your deliverables are. Negotiation! What I’m trying to say is that you need to learn how to negotiate so that you align what is expected of you and what you can deliver. Sometimes there’s a mismatch between what you can deliver and what is expected of you and that brings a lot of pressure.

That’s why people are staying up past midnight trying to complete and that also comes with new pressure because you can stay up till past midnight but in the morning you still have to show up at the office and you get more work. It’s a cycle that can lead someone down the wrong path of depression. I think having open communication and negotiation skill is important.

Rama: Doctor, I want to throw this also at you because when performance is affected, it is stressful and again it’s a whole cycle now what does that do to you as a person when you are emotionally entangled in such for a long time? As I think from the psychological perspective, staying in stress at emotional levels also tampers with a lot of physical and mental well-being so what’s your take on that?

Dr Chitayi: It’s obviously a difficult position to be in because on the one hand, many people love to work. It is essential sometimes, no one wants to be idle, everyone wants to be productive.

So, generally, these challenges that arise have some causes maybe the assignments that someone is being given they don’t have the full expertise and maybe they just need some additional support and so it’s important to look at the subtle signs of something like passive aggression because eventually, you start being slow, you come to the meeting too late, and even procrastination can be a sign of passive aggression.

Rama: Perfectionism also creates procrastination that’s one of the lead stories now going on in the latest Western magazines. They say that perfectionism is a myth and that it actually leads to procrastination. So, yes, you’re so right.

Dr Chitayi: Because you become so anxious that you want to do it in the best way possible.

Rama: It can actually get to you and tamper with your work, I mean you might just not get perfect.

Is procrastination actually a good thing?

Sometimes we have ten things on our list of things to do and we barely accomplish only a few out of the 10 things that we have taken upon ourselves to complete. Do I feel stressed about it or do I have to say that I have done it all doesn’t matter and procrastination is okay?

Dr Chitayi: With regard to issues of procrastinating, mistakes will happen as human beings. So, everyone has ever procrastinated. Every one of us and we do quite often you have some presentation to make you wait until it’s two days then you start rushing up and down to look for the information when you had some three weeks and you had time.

Procrastination is also a habit that someone can form and just develop into their character and personality, but the good news is that something that is learned can also be unlearned.

Procrastination depends on the person’s personality as well. It can either be caused by your personality or it can become part of your personality, depending on how often because it’s comforting. It’s one of those comforting things, you know “I’ll do it later”, “I’m keeping this on the side for later”.

Flora: It’s a learnt behaviour.

Dr Chitayi: In certain cases, but also it can be part of your personality, for instance, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder where someone is obsessed about rules, guidelines, and how to do it right. They are totally obsessed with rules more than anything else. It’s about a particular order, everything must be very orderly, and it must go in a certain way.

For such a person, when you give them work the first worry is that “will it come out perfect?” So, if they have one week to do the work they’ll worry for five days and they’ll be left with only two days to actually do the work and that can be harmful. These are things that can be unlearned so that people can be more effective.

Bwire: In my experience what makes me procrastinate is maybe you have a tough decision to make and you’re trying to put it off. You don’t really want to make that decision, maybe it’s -I’m a designer- when you’re making designs for a marketing campaign, you have to choose images, and you have to write content.

Even writers, make that decision on what direction they have to take. You’ll always put it off. You maybe have five options and you are failing to decide on which option you want to take and then when it comes to two days to go, that is when you have to make a decision. You’re forced to make a decision. So, even with the decision you make, you’re always second-guessing yourself.

I think that is also when you talk about perfectionism that can lead to procrastination. That also brings a lot of stress, because when you’re trying to do things at the last minute that brings a lot of stress and pressure.

Dr Chitayi: Perhaps in such a situation that’s where a mentor may help you. I mean walking through life alone is only challenging.

Rama: It is very challenging. I’m reminded of this proverb we are always taught in the earlier years of our lives “problems solve themselves”. So, we probably take a back seat and say “ah, maybe the presentations will happen by themselves”.

Thank you for that, it’s a delightful insight into these. These are actuals and this happens as you rightly said. Most of us procrastinate, but I think there are none that do not.

Coming to moods affecting concentration, focus and output.

How do people tackle moods that affect concentration, focus and output without getting stressed?

Like, if I don’t have the mood to probably do it, is it a psychological thing or is it a mental or emotional thing? Where does it lie?

Dr Chitayi: Lacking the mood and maybe when you lack the mood most likely you lack the drive to tackle the challenge ahead. It is obviously a psychological issue. It may not necessarily be a problem.

It can become a problem where it’s now affecting your productivity because the different tasks may come with different requirements. There may be one you feel I’m competent to do. You surge forward with enthusiasm, another one you just accepted because it’s coming from above so that one will go with a little bit of a low mood. You’ll approach it with a low mood.

For instance, when students are doing their thesis for their master’s program there’s always this aspect of getting corrections. You’ve done your work, then you send it to a committee or the ethical committee and then it comes back with a lot of corrections. Usually, everybody, even if it’s your supervisor, gets depressed for about one week. Before you start circling everything, you put that thesis aside.

Sometimes that’s how we respond to things that make us stress. This low mood is telling you something, if it’s persistent you may want to really think about maybe if you’re in the right place or if there’s a place you can work, your output can be better because definitely if you are in a low mood that’s that your concentration will be poor.

Rama: I would love to add that from the nutritional perspective we believe that foods can actually Elevate moods and I want to bring to the attention of viewers as well as to this panel that we have something called mood Foods. Things that can help you elevate your endorphins naturally when you eat them in plenty. Things like proteins that are found in beans and peas and lentils etc seeds, and omegas are good brain foods that elevate moods and keep us happy.

Also, looking at exercise to boost moods. I know the oxygen levels in the brain can help to elevate blood circulation as well as build better perspectives.

Dr Chitayi: There are also some actions that can help elevate someone’s mood, like just helping someone. If you help someone in the morning, you’ll feel good the whole day.

Rama: That’s why charity is regarded highly for mood elevation.

Bwire: Is mood something that is internal to you that you control or is mood influenced by your surroundings or other’s actions?

Dr Chitayi: I would say both. There’s an interaction between your biology and the environment that you are in. Low mood is often a response to a negative stimulus in the environment or negative conditions where you are. However, controlling internal influence is a bit hard. Like we can’t change our genes overnight. Some people, because of their genetic makeup are more likely to be moody most of the time but for everybody, something exciting in your environment should lead to some happiness.

Bwire: I’ve noticed there are very hyper and very active people.

Dr Chitayi: Yes, they’re enjoying good genetics.

Flora: Doctor if I may just ask a question. In our previous episode you talked about the stress hormone going very high, can that also affect mood?

Dr Chitayi: Yes, yes, definitely! One of the things that happen for instance is basically that non-essential functions of the body are shut out. So, what’s non-essential in the biological sense, is reproduction, for instance, you may not be able to enjoy activities around reproductive sex. You’ll not be able to enjoy eating since digestion is shut off because it’s not essential. It’s essential, yes, but in that instance, your body is communicated to that this is non-essential, so your appetite goes down.

Rama: That’s probably why we call the gut the second brain

Dr Chitayi: Yeah, it shuts down, then you can now see the effect of reduced nutrients on your brain and then your mood will go down.

Rama: Are there any drugs for self-help that can actually help Elevate moods or is there anything that you would want to talk about on that side?

Dr Chitayi: Yeah. So, generally, we don’t treat stress because stress is not a mental disorder stress is what we go through every day. No human being -unless you sleep the whole day- goes through a day without some stressful events or several of them. Being stressed is not a disease, but it’s a condition.

Situational issues lead to stress and the best way is to learn how to cope. Everyone should learn some coping mechanisms. Things like mindfulness, breathing exercises, and just doing normal physical exercises can help us cope. The foods you’re talking about are the best coping mechanisms.  If these things are not working and you come to the doctor then we could prescribe something to help you because then we’ll be thinking that maybe you have mild depression.

Rama: It’s easily mistaken for depression.

Dr Chitayi: There could be something we can do if the issue is that your sleep is totally affected there can be some short-term sleeping to correct that but there are no common over-the-counter medications that are recommended for the treatment of stressful issues.

Rama: Flora I would like you to probably throw some light on

How do adaptogens help elevate mood and stress?

I’ve heard a lot about adaptogens coming into play, especially in low moods and has mood-enhancing properties.

Flora: As mentioned earlier, adaptogens are substances that help your body adapt to stressful conditions so generally they work by reducing the stress hormone while improving they feel good hormones so definitely like we said earlier if you lower the stress hormones then definitely like the doctor has said then you’re able you’re more definitely goes up it picks up naturally yes so that’s how adaptogens can come in to help one deal with mood and of course selecting a multivitamin supplement that has adaptogens in it will help one deal with such stressful conditions in a much better way and help their mood become better even at the workplace and at home.

Rama: Well, doctor, I have a very intriguing question to ask. You are a psychiatrist and I believe and think that sometimes workplaces need to be designed in probably a certain way or the styles of working conditions need to be in a certain way so that we don’t feel the stress when we are out there so-

What is an ideal or mentally friendly atmosphere of a workplace like?

What is its design by its very nature?

Dr Chitayi: If I was to design a perfect work environment for mental health, number one it should be an environment where those who are there are mental health literate. They have enough information about mental health that can come through sensitization of the managers of that place or training and educational forums for the staff.

Such a place will be by design mental health friendly. They can be even small posters here and there about aspects of mental health demystifying the myths about mental health and so on. Even just saying that “now you are entering a mental health-friendly zone”. A huge banner at the gate. It’s a safe space.

A place where people who unfortunately suffer from mental illnesses are not discriminated against, they are not dismissed, and they are accommodated within that workspace. When they go for treatment and come back they are accepted back. Where we look at the challenges as mental health challenges rather than just behavioural issues.

Something as common and pervasive as alcohol use disorder is mostly considered a behavioural issue and we try to punish these fellows. “you’re drinking too much just stop it”. We are not realizing that in that case, this person has lost control, confidence, as well as self-esteem. So, my perfect workplace for mental health should be empathetic to people who are suffering from mental disorders.

For the interest of men, this is basically for the interest of men -I believe also women. One thing that stresses men is that they have bosses. Men are not used to being bossed. So, one thing we can do in workplaces is to create multiple hierarchies in the workplace.

What does that mean? Create other situations where Bwire feels like he’s the boss. Like in a football tournament, where it feels good. That always comes out in team-building activities. Let us have other forums outside normal work where someone who is less feels more.

Rama: Anyone in Human Resources (HR) needs to consult us in order to get performance and results in their company.

Absolutely a brilliant explanation of how an environment can be designed.

Flora: Can we take that poster home? “You are entering a mental-health-friendly zone”

Bwire: I’d like to ask, maybe a colleague went through a traumatic experience. How should the other people at the workplace step in maybe to try to interact with that person?

Dr Chitayi: This person has gone through a situation and they have now come back. Let’s treat them normally. Unless they want to be treated differently; unless they have requested for a different job deployment, let them continue doing what they were doing. Interact with them the way you’d interact with me after I’m admitted for malaria and I’m back from the hospital.

And should we disagree with you because of our work-related issue don’t quickly ascribe the cause to the mental illness. Something like “this guy was even treated of mental issues”. Because people always disagree but don’t ascribe mental illness.

Flora: Is it okay to ask them directly how they feel?

Dr Chitayi: Yeah, there’s really nothing wrong with just coming and saying “You’ve been away for some time, I hope you’re feeling okay now”

Rama: Yeah, and I think it will boost their confidence levels and help them get back to normalcy even faster.

I can’t wait to get onto the


because we’re gonna have some seriously interesting moments, especially after the discussions that we’ve had. Are you ready?

All: Yes, we are!

Rama: Great.

When overwhelmed with work, will you go on a holiday or address it with your boss?

Bwire, this starts with you.

Bwire: Holiday. Maybe I’ll turn to something accessible maybe I’ll turn to maybe a drink, alcohol or a cigarette or something to relieve that. Give me a quick fix. Beer! But uh! Addressing it with my boss, I think I’ll be quite …uh shy to do that.

Dr Chitayi: Ideally holidays are good. Very good. So, plan to go for a holiday but don’t go because when you go it will be very expensive and then you’ll have to address it with the boss.

Flora: I think I’ll do anything but addressing it with the boss will be the last thing in my mind


Peers as friends or keep it professional at work?

Bwire: I think because you’re spending so much time together you always end up maybe creating some friendships and even sometimes a relationship. At work, I prefer staying as peers.

Dr Chitayi: My personal take is to stay professional.

Rama: Thank you very much.

Stress at work, who would you rather talk to your HR, your line manager, your peer, your spouse, your friend or your family

Bwire: The first outlet is usually a family then a friend at work by the time you’re approaching the line manager, it’s something that has really stressed you may be over a month, but the first option is usually to complain to your friend or your family then when it gets bad that’s when you complain to the line manager.

Rama: is healthy I’m sure because that’s also like a vent out.

Dr Chitayi: I do agree your friend maybe with some expertise in that kind of work may help.


Is it healthy to bring office work home

Bwire: Sometimes you can’t avoid it. For example, I’m in the creative industry. You have deadlines you have to meet. So, when office time is over you carry it home you carry a laptop home get home and open it and continue working. So, you can’t avoid and that sometimes brings a lot of issues at home. It’s usually based on work pressure, so you can’t avoid it.

Dr Chitayi: Not healthy at all. When you bring work at home you steal time that is meant to help you bond with your family and even sleep.

Rama: Even important things that you need to physically and mentally take care of when you are not at work.

Is gossip healthy or damaging?

A very interesting one here.

Bwire: I think at work there’s that light gossip like “this one did this”, “how much is that”. I think that you can’t avoid light gossip because you’re spending so much time together. When you go out for lunch there must be something you’re talking about. So, you can’t avoid gossip.

Rama: I hear for men, all they gossip about is football and what to do over the weekend. Maybe the doctor can throw some light on that.

Dr Chitayi: Gossip has its function obviously -to help people organize in society- but the unfortunate thing is that hardly you find two people gossiping positively about something. I wish we could balance.

Rama: Wait for relationship issues to get better or see an expert or walk out. would men choose most work out I think that is there because

it’s the easiest because it’s like avoiding the problem so you just walk out we don’t have that really

traditional maybe going for couples counselling or something so just give up

the extremist attitude of working out okay let’s hear the doctor out yeah I mean I

don’t have an ideal answer to that but uh no there is no idea this will not

no ideal answer all obviously as an expert talk about you coming to see me yeah

want you to come but men men some will just wait and they just watch and do it

maybe I can say from a woman’s perspective we don’t expect men to work out we wanted to stay in trouble yes

which is something that is difficult but as we make avoiding problems so some

problems are solved by time about it

healthy relationships buses being in control what would men rather choose I

think healthy relationships are better and for that maybe you have to give up some control for men it’s difficult but

uh for a healthy relationship maybe you have to maybe watch that support play

don’t want to watch yeah but doctor what do you you think do men feel that

they have to be in control or they would rather go for healthier relationships the modern man is what I’m talking about

to be honest though you press that question  you  think

about healthy relationship but obviously they’re not always healthy this relationships

most of the time people are comparing unhealthy relationships and control or

relationship with some form of issues  because almost already have some issues so a lot of times they want

to do the control thing yeah but of course a healthy relationship is what

everyone needs [Music] separating from partner emotional damage to men or

I think for men once you face a breakup you you have that much of feeling is

like you are the one who left maybe she was not good enough you always find a way to convince yourself

that it was the other partner’s fault even for women I think you always find out blaming the other person so I think

for men since you’re Macho even if your heart you just have to pretend and move on society has laid

such hard

says  that men had less from separation than women because of the

emotional toll that separation usually has uh on the women but the truth is

obviously everyone everyone hurts but but what I know about men is that

they’ll definitely um  emotionally disconnected yeah yeah

uh interestingly I also read a fact that was researched well and said that men will be the first ones in a relationship

to come and admit and say I love you you will never be there because women

are very scared of getting their hearts broken and this probably relates very well to the fact that what you’re

actually mentioning that men will not feel so imagined emotionally damaged when they’re separate so yeah it adds up

the next question is men live in demanding relationships because of

complete that sentence for me today and so social pressure there are so many

expectations so I think that comes with that pressure yeah

doctor what do you think men

yeah so men think alike

very interesting for women to watch because I think it all adds up and gives us a chance to really better understand

men from their perspectives this forum I think is really coming up with that mode

enhancer self-help stimulants or adaptogens for me I think the easiest to

reach for is a stimulant so I resort to something that

yeah I I drink some a cigarette or something so so it’s very easy and

comfortable to reach for a stimulant I think

oh well I like I will really prefer to have more information about the

adaptogen if it is non-addictive then it sounds safer if it’s just vitamins you

know and the like and it’s non-addictive then it’s safer than a stimulant yeah and the stimulants can be just a pickup

pick me up at that time and then  you’re not serving the real problem yeah so yeah thank you so wrapping up

this session this has been invaluable thank you doctor and thank you very as well as of course Flora who’s been here

I believe that in lieu of what we have heard today keeping workplace relationships professional is

key and keeping your own personal relationships caring for their well-being both emotionally and mentally

is very very important that’s the outcome that I have had here I would like to now hand over the flow to Flora

so thank you Rama thank you everyone once again again this is a very wonderful session I am also getting to

learn a lot especially about the needs for men and particularly in the workplace at home and how men think in

general and a challenge to all of you is that how can we make the workplace a better environment and even at home how

can we make them safe spaces for mental health just maybe to highlight on adaptogens and their role the good thing

is adaptogens are non-addictive and like stimulants like caffeine which can become addictive so there are safe

Alternatives when you need the the pickup that you need to stay energetic healthy and a lot throughout the day and

help you cope with stress better at home and at work thank you again for the overwhelming support since our last

episode we’ve had a lot of overwhelming support a lot of comments on the comment section and uh for those who took the

stress tests we hope that now you understand your situation better and you are going to to take the necessary help

and take charge of your life once again I would like to request those who’ve not had a chance to click on the link on the

description to kindly do so it will take you to a very easy to answer questionnaire with just a few questions

but in less than five minutes can help you understand your mental health and therefore help you take it out of your

life thank you Flora for that I am so intrigued and I want to go to the website and already take my stress test

and see what my personal scores are and I know you’ve been mentioning this is mainly for men but I’m sure it doesn’t

harm me as a woman too to take that test and see where I am yes and coming to our

viewers the next episode is on a very hot topic that is based on stress in

your bedrooms I hope your intrigued enough to come and watch us when we

deliver this absolutely thrilling talk and until then take charge remember

change starts with you [Music]

Acha Maoni

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